I Am Magnetic
I was in a meeting a few years ago trying to solve my self-worth issues in intimate relationships. I was guided by a now friend who explained the following to me. Not word for word but the gist of it lies here:
“The feminine is naturally receptive and her natural role is magnetic she is attractive.” (“The Masculine & Feminine - Penelope Ryder”)
“Subconsciously we are possessed by the need for attention. That need for attention can then become possessive over self. We are then when possessed by this need may find ourselves seeking attention, and then if we are not responded to, we can think that somehow, we are not attractive nor worthy of another and their time. This is often the dance between the masculine and the feminine.” – Simon Vorster
We must decondition that part of ourselves that believes we are not worthy of having our needs met.
Our worth is innate and many of us have not been taught this as we have acquired introjects that tell us otherwise.
It is important to know our intent in any given situation, relationship, or interaction, the “what” we are desiring. Our unconscious intent is often related to unmet needs in childhood.
If we were not loved as a child, we often will seek proof that we are in adulthood and when it is not forthcoming, we can think we are faulty, broken, ugly and we then flashback and regress; this can be related to feelings we experienced as a child. We “many” dissociate and do not get to individuate meaning to become whole.
Our worth is innate.
An intent list can help put us on track. An intent list is better stated with what we want for our own lives regardless of another, and we want a realistic list.
1. I want a home, a comfortable bed.
2. I want enough money to have 6 months’ leeway should I hit a bump in the road.
3. I want health.
4. I want a depth of self-love.
5. I want to learn or study a particular subject.
6. I want to do work I love.
7. I want my own garden.
8. I want to live by the sea.
9. I want to finish my degree.
10. I want good female/male friendships.
The list can be extensive, but the point would be that we are first looking as best we can meet our own basic needs.
For some a child and family may be wanted so then one would make a list on the type of partner and traits; stability, compassion, addiction-free etc.
We often focus too much on the other and outer. As we learn to purposefully introspect, we can build a better life for ourselves. Life will happen anyway, and we can help ourselves by our taking an overview of our life intent, it can be viewed as a map, and we can tweak it as we go. We can plan a new route as required and we are not looking for perfection.
It is easy to chase something or someone without thinking things through. To not think deeper can take up years of our lives. It is often noticeably clear who is willing to dance in a relationship with us, be it in friendship, intimacy, work, family etc. Many of us spend years trying to fix or force that which is not meant to be, I can vouch for that.
We must also learn to not punish ourselves for our past via the inner critic.
The better inner talk would be “Your worth is innate, you are loved, lovable, smart and on track.” We need to bring in the healthy inner parent and guide ourselves and it is safe to do that.
If you know your intent/values then note your top five realistic needs in life and in your relationships, then you can begin to get clear with yourself. A list is a little map and a reminder to us when we get lost in emotion.
Not all relations are meant to be forever, and we humans have cycles like the moon. In the book by Clarissa Pinkola Estes “Women Who Run With the Wolves” there is mention of life/death/life cycle. I highly recommend you read chapter 5 here is a link embedded to that chapter. It is a life-changing story/book, the content will stay with you in times of uncertainty.
I shall leave this here with a reminder:
“The feminine is naturally receptive and her natural role is magnetic.” (“The Masculine & Feminine - Penelope Ryder”) Be the flower in the field and let the masculine come to you.”
If you would like to work with me one to one on zoom see my services and booking link here. I also have a ladies’ meetup group that is free, and it runs on Wednesdays.
Much Love, Penelope